This Is Where I am

Where do I go from here. I feel as if I am just being taken apart. I had two surgeries in2014 because of breast cancer. Recently I had two surgeries on my eyes for cataracts. The healing process after breast cancer surgery was very uncomfortable sometimes painful.
The healing process of eye surgery is just uncomfortable and one of my eyes still itch.

One of me feels like I am falling apart at this age and some problem always comes up. Besides that I have suffered with depression for years. Yes I feel like this. However the other side of me feels like I have been given a new life and I have a stronger faith and relationship with God.

I am going to go through a rejuvenation starting with a new makeover. I have already thrown some of my makeup away and bought new. I don’t want to infect my eyes with old. I heard you can get infected by it. I am also trying to lose weight and eating less and staying away from foods that can make my blood sugar up and cancer causing.

This is nice but I know I have to take care of my spirit and live again and not be afraid. I’ll try to look on the positive side.


Mistakes I Didn’t Make

I can love deeply but I won’t compromise my beliefs and attributes that I know are right for me. I know you should embrace your partner and share in what he does and his beliefs. However if some of those will bring you down I wouldn’t.

One time I thought I was wrong but as I look back, I know now that I would have probably ended up as an alcoholic or addicted to drugs. Now the thought of being with them scares me. I often say that I took the vows seriously but they didn’t. Yes I was married to them.

I have since moved on and have had a long relationship with my present husband. We have been together for about thirty years. I must be doing something right. It hasn’t always been what I want. That is not what I mean. I have compromised. I found out that it takes work, on being with that person, sometimes understanding and patience from both.

Sometimes I have felt love and yes there was a time when I thought the love was gone. However I stayed and it came back. It still needs work but that is just part of life with someone. I attribute my staying is because I was raised in a strict Catholic environment. I have recently let that smart teenage girl back in me to make decisions.

Raindrops Falling

Pebbles of rain are falling on my window. I hear raindrops. I’ve always liked the sound of rain. Now more than ever since we have had a long drought that is still not over.

I read somewhere that rain is God’s way of cleaning, the stepping stones, the concrete and it makes the grass glisten. It reminds me of the beauty of nature

Yes raindrops are falling. The will put me into a peaceful sleep. All’s right with the heavens and I will embrace sweet dreams/

Just A Number

She feels pretty good about herself. She has been told how good and young she looks for her age .She decided it’s best for her and others not to think about that age or number. It’s just putting yourself into a box.

You say age appropriate but I don’t know what that means. I wear what looks good on me and I do what makes me feel good. I confess I do use more concealer though when I dress. lol

I practice rituals now. I try to eat foods that prevent cancer and other health issues like diabetes and high blood pressure. I awake and try to put the house and especially my room in order and I do drink coffee and little coke or pepsi. I only allow me a fourth of a glass of the sugary drink I stopped eating the candy and stopped buying the cookies because my blood sugar will go up. I try to get some exercise everyday and of course I stopped the cigarettes and don’t smoke after years of it.

For the ladies I put a little moisturizer on my face after shower and put a little makeup on . Yes it’s a lifestyle change that I work for everyday. I think a lot of people are doing it. We know more about health issues. Years ago we didn’t have all these health tips and information.


Good Boy Or Bad Boy

Why didn’t I see you, your kindness, loyalty, and respect.  You were there to comfort me when I was hurt, when I felt that I couldn’t be enough for them.  Still I was always with a bad boy for the thrills and excitement or is it just that I had to feel needed and that they needed me.

Finally I realized that I couldn’t help them because they would have to become like me and didn’t  want to change.  For some reason I was scared to become them.  So I turned to you but this time I got thrills with love.  I asked you how did you change and you said that you were always there  I just didn’t look hard enough to see.

So I got the two in one, the good boy and the bad boy.  I took a pledge in marriage to you and I’ll be with the two the rest of my life.  Thank you for waiting and being there.

Wrong For Me Or Not

I call to you and I see you. Something says run from you. I am afraid of myself. I may grow to love you. You are so unlike me, Yet I see a lot of myself in you.

I have been kept away from you sheltered from one who may be wrong for me but I know I am happy with you. I am just afraid of a part of me, afraid to live your life. It calls to me though and I am afraid to see or live your life which may be more exciting. Am I to stay in my comfort zone which I am unhappy in. No I don’t think so. I’ll take a chance on life and start to live.

I have been raised to stay with your own kind. What is that? People who have my values and life. I see that in you amidst the excitement of you. No I am ready to come out and be with you and live. I’ll cross over to your life and live yours. I will be fulfilled.

Empower Me

Empower me by giving me love and respect.  If you open the door for me I will thank you and think of you as a gentleman;  I am still an old-fashioned girl.

You don’t have to shower me with expensive gifts.  Your love, warmth, and understanding mean more.  Show me new things and I am opened to them on this adventure.  Walk hand and hand with me.  You walking with me as I go through may be climbing the highest mountain.

Support me in all that I do.  Let me know that I may come to you when I am hurt and all is not well with me.  Sometimes a kind word and a ear to listen to me helps more.  I am asking you to be there for me in this journey.  In return I will give you all my love.